What is what to do when an avoidant comes back?

When an avoidant person comes back into your life, it's a complex situation that requires careful consideration. Here's what to keep in mind:

• Understand Their Attachment Style: Remember they are an avoidant attachment style. This means they may struggle with intimacy, commitment, and emotional vulnerability. Their return doesn't necessarily mean they've completely changed.

• Manage Your Expectations: Avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming they're now ready for a serious, committed relationship. Take things slow and observe their actions over time. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

• Reflect on the Past: Before welcoming them back, honestly assess what went wrong the first time. Were there specific communication breakdowns, unmet needs, or unresolved issues? Identifying these patterns can help you avoid repeating them.

• Establish Clear Boundaries: This is crucial. Define your needs and communicate them clearly and assertively. Be specific about what you expect in terms of communication, commitment, and emotional availability. Boundaries help protect your emotional well-being.

• Communicate Openly (But Cautiously): While open communication is important, proceed with caution. Don't immediately pour your heart out or express overwhelming emotions. Start with surface-level conversations and gradually delve deeper as trust builds. Observe how they react to your vulnerability.

• Observe Their Actions, Not Just Words: Avoidants may say the right things, but their actions might not align. Pay close attention to their behavior and consistency. Do they consistently show up for you? Are they willing to compromise and meet your needs?

• Focus on Your Own Well-being: Don't put your life on hold for them. Continue pursuing your own interests, maintaining your social connections, and prioritizing your own happiness. This will help you maintain perspective and avoid becoming overly invested too quickly.

• Be Prepared for the Push-Pull Dynamic: Avoidants often engage in a push-pull dynamic. They might pull you close and then push you away when things get too intense. Be prepared for this pattern and avoid taking it personally.

• Consider Therapy (Individually or Together): If you're both willing, therapy can be a valuable tool for understanding each other's attachment styles and learning healthier communication patterns. Even individual therapy can help you process your feelings and make informed decisions.

• Be Willing to Walk Away: Ultimately, if their behavior remains unchanged and they are unwilling to meet your needs, be prepared to walk away. Your emotional well-being is paramount. Don't settle for a relationship that leaves you feeling unfulfilled or emotionally drained. Understand what is emotional%20availability and see if they are capable of it.